What I really should be doing is working on summer school but instead I have been pondering friendships. Specifically, the ripple effects of the divorce on my friendships. You change so much that you can’t expect your friendships not to change along with your own changes. I have found the friendships that I thought I had in large were “couple/family” friends or the other group of friends through thick and thin are gone or nearly gone. I have become the third wheel when I don’t have the kids or I am moderately accepted when I do have the kids. Friends that stuck it through the divorce the crying, the anger and the sadness are now tired of you and your life and want to move on. No judgment, it happens, as the world continues to spin and shit happens and the divorce is final, friends vanish. If you are still wondering if those friends are friends or not friends, look at major events in your life, who was there with you? You have your answer. Once again no judgment! I am pass judgment.
So, what happens now? The pity party is over, you have to pick up yourself and move on. Join groups, even if they don’t seem interesting, you may find a person or two that are interesting. Meetup.com is a good place to start. It is scary and let me tell you I have meet some crazy people doing this, people who are in it for one night stands, people only in it to meet the “one” and then the others who are in it to make friends. Meetup is an online social networking portal that enables offline meetings, yes if could be formal board meeting or it could be a night at the bar. Anyone can join Meetup and based on zip code find and join groups unified by a common interest.
I have joined and split from a variety of groups for a variety of reasons, all personal. One group made me feel like I was back in high school and it was like “whose having sex with who” this week, I am so over that and never been that kind of person. Another group high school again “very judgmental” even such that when I posted a movie selection for a Meetup I was told it was rather vulgar. I keep trying and while I get down about “how could I be this lonely in my 40s” I know the only way I am going to move forward is to keep trying. What I have gotten out of these different events, a lot of funny stories and people watching. I could fill up an entire book about what I have seen grown ups doing and saying just so maybe they wouldn’t be alone. I won’t change my core sense of morality or inner personality to say I am with the in crowd but I won’t stop trying to find a group of friends that will accept me in my singleness.